Blending

 One of the biggest challenge we faced as a family was blending it. I was an only child however I grew up in a large family. I was used to sharing every thing. My children didn't grow up like that. I had 2 boys and 1 girl at the time when this took place. 

My daughter was extremely upset that she had to share her room. She didn't want them around and she had no problem letting them know that. She ended up going into a deep state of depression and she started to consider suicide because of what happened. I put her in therapy because I didn't want to lose my daughter because I decided to keep the feeling together. 

Then the shut down happened and that didn't make things any better. In fact it made things worst and I began to feel like taking the 4 little ones was the biggest mistake I had made in my life. 

That was another reason I ended up in therapy. I felt like a failure. I've since learned that I most definitely am not. I am a winner in every way. Yes we all have challenges to face. If everything was easy would it be worth it. I'm glad I didn't give up because now I see the fruits of my labor. 

My daughter is now 14 (she was 11 at the time) and she plays volleyball. Within the last month she actually goes outside and plays with the 4 little ones. It brings joy to my heart to see them getting along. 

Especially since this past May the adoption was final. So what's next? 

September 20, 2018

 She pretty much stated that dad had fathered his own grand daughter. It was at that point that it was confirmed that I didn't know him as well as I had thought. 

He and I started dating when I was in high school. So I thought I knew him really well but I guess not. I guess you never really know what anyone is capable of when enough pressure is put on you. Everyone has different breaking points and I guess he reached his. 

So how do I move on from there? All of my friends and family knew him. It was in our local news paper. It made the local news. My kids were teased at school and on the bus. There was so much pain at that time that it was hard to even find a reason to go on.

But I did go on because now I have 7 kids that need me to. It was no longer about me. I put myself in my foster children's shoes. They went to school that day hugged and kissed their dad goodbye and did not know that would be the last time they would go back to the place they called home. As for my kids they would have to share their rooms, their home and their mom for the rest of their lives. All because one person made a bad decision all of our lives, all 8 of our lives were forever changed. 

For about two and a half years I forgot about me. I went into automatic mode and just did what needed to be done because there was no one else that would. I forgot to take care of me and I almost burned out. I had a hard time loving my foster children. I had no problem taking care of them but because of my personality type I don't show emotions really well. I have a hard time feeling things. It doesn't limit me performing and doing what I have to but I come across as cold if you don't know me very well. 

When I realized I was having that problem I went to see a therapist because I didn't want any of my children to feel that I don't love them. Thankfully I am proud to report therapy has been working and I can say that I can easily give and receive love. But as usual there are always other challenges to face. One of the biggest ones was the blending of the family...

4 days after my son's birthday

It was about 3:41 on September 18th, 2018 when my life changed forever. I was walking to the bus stop to get my children when my phone rang. The number looked like a state number from DCFS (Department of Children and Family Services). I have a sister that works there so I thought it was her so I answered it. 

I did not recognize the voice on the other end so I quickly put on my professional voice. This unfamiliar voice asked for me by my full name. That sent a million questions running through my mind. Mainly because no one and I mean NO ONE at all calls me my government name. I know I'm a good mom, at least I thought I was. Was this going to be bad news? Had something happened to one of my children? When I get phone calls from certain people or agencies it has a way of shaking me up. So I proceeded to confirm that she had indeed reached Yolanda.

Next she identified who she was and why she was calling. I let her continue. Then she asked me if I would take in the 4 children that were living with my ex. Now let me give you a little background. He and I broke up at that time over 10 years ago. We broke up before my youngest son by him turned one. We have 3 children together and he never helped me with any of them.  He had 4 children by another woman who unfortunately passed away way to soon. 

The crazy thing was I had just seen him that same morning. So naturally I began to wonder what happened. Did he die? Was he in an accident? He looked fine when I saw him that morning. She couldn't give me details but I really didn't care. I just wanted to know if he was dead or alive and I told her I have the right to know that much because he is the father of my kids to and I need to know if I have to tell my kids bad news. She confirmed he was alive and that was good enough for me. 

So I told her I would take the kids. I thought it would be temporary especially since I had no clue what was going on.

 So I finally made it to the bus stop and waited for my kids to get home. When they arrived I told my daughter and my youngest son I don't know what's going on but the kids that live with your dad are coming to stay with us for the night. 

I believe in coping ahead in most situations. So I always let my kids know what's going on to the best of my knowledge. 

Anyway, my daughter couldn't accept not knowing the full story so she texted her older sister. 

Neither one of us were prepared for what her sister texted back...

I'm Back

Life is full of ups and downs so lets focus on the good so we can attract more of the good things into out lives. 

I never thought I would be a blogger but I've been doing a lot learning lately and one thing that seems to be a common thread throughout every book that I have read and listened to is "What do have to offer to the world?"

If you think about it, it really does make sense. We were all born for a reason and I've wondered what was my reason for being born for such a time as this. Will my role be grand or will it be small. I guess in the end it doesn't matter as long as what you do helps someone else. It because of me wanting to help someone that I've decided to share my story.